Music Mondays - Jealous
Jealousy Sucks
This Friday is the last Friday of the month, so that means Happy Hour on the podcast. The ladies and I discussed offline a number of topics we wanted talk about on the show, but after a few blog posts and personal discussions, I decided that we should tackle the idea of the “Comparison Game,” and how it hurts our chances of achieving our personal goals.A few months back, I had a conversation with a friend of mine where I shared frustration over a challenging personal relationship and she instantly replied “Don’t you realize she’s jealous?”This question literally stopped me in my tracks because it never occurred to me that someone would be jealous of what I was doing.I've been neck-deep in building a business focused on helping people that I rarely take the time to think about what others may think about me or what I’m accomplishing. Truthfully, most days it feels as though I’m moving at a snail’s pace and not getting anywhere close to where I want to be that I would find it difficult to believe that anyone would be jealous of this.It was also difficult for me to comprehend her jealousy because this woman is someone that I would think other people would be jealous of and it’s hard for me to imagine her jealous of someone else.
The fact is, no matter how much jealousy sucks, we’re all susceptible to it.
I Still Get Jealous
The last few months, my social media accounts have been flooded with the successes of people I know intimately and superficially; and for the most part, I am nothing but proud and excited for them. However, I would be lying if I said that twinges of jealousy didn’t come into my head with every success post I read. No matter how much I hate the emotion of jealousy, I have to accept the fact that I’m human and sometimes I can’t control my emotions.What I can control, though, is how I process the jealousy after I feel it. It’s one thing to acknowledge the fleeting sense of jealousy; and it’s a completely other thing to let it consume you and cloud your own accomplishments.For me, when I feel jealousy coming on, I stop and review my own personal goals. It’s not difficult to get jealous of other people’s accomplishments; however, if those aren’t goals that we want to achieve, then why are we wasting our time feeling jealous? We’re all on unique and special life journeys and no two journeys will be the same. If I start worrying about someone else’s journey, it takes the focus away from me accomplishing my own.
Remember Your Journey
I’m friends with a number of bloggers who have numeric goals around traffic, downloads, shares, likes, etc. that define their successes, and when I see these, which are dramatically different from mine, I immediately feel that nudge of jealousy. However, my goal for my blog and podcast has never been a numbers goal. I started both with the intention to connect and help people, and if just one person makes a positive change based on a blog I wrote or a podcast I produced, then I achieved my own goal.No matter how clear and important our own personal goals are, it’s easy to get distracted from them in the face of other people’s goals and when that happens, you need to take the time and remind yourself what you’re working towards and refocus on making that happen.When jealousy takes hold, it’s important to not just compare apples to apples but to also compare the growing stages of those apples. It’s easy to fight off the jealous feelings for someone who’s trying to accomplish something completely different, but it’s not always easy when you have the same goals as another person and you feel as though they’re further along than you.
Everyone’s Journey Is Different
The number one situation for goal comparison is retirement or early retirement. Many of my clients always ask how they compare to other people as far as financial goals; and my immediate response is to tell them not to worry about it. You can’t compare your beginning or middle to someone’s middle or ending. Just because someone’s pace is faster than yours, doesn’t detract from your own journey.Do I wish my business was as far along as some other people’s? Absolutely!! However, it doesn’t change the journey I’ve been on and everything I’ve learned along the way. Despite the seemingly slow pace of my own journey, I can’t deny that it hasn’t been an educational and interesting one.When I get jealous of other people’s results, I remember that in time I will get there; and I actually allow that jealousy to motivate me to work harder to catch up to those ahead of me.If you’re jealous of someone else’s accomplishments that are similar to your own, rather than let it get you down, I encourage you to harness that jealousy into something productive. I also encourage you to remember that no matter what your pace is, you’re learning something and on a unique journey that you should embrace.No matter what, though, I think it’s important to acknowledge and reflect on feelings of jealousy no matter how painful they are, but don’t spend too much time on it. Focusing on other people only takes important time and emotional energy on your own goals; and your goals should come before anything else.