Relationships & Money with the Happy Hour Crew
Today is the last Friday of the month, and my regular listeners know that on the last Friday of the month, I host the Happy Hour on the podcast, where I gather great friends to drink cheap drinks and talk about money topics. I have been talking about relationships and money this month, so we're talking about it during Happy Hour. We missed Alicia this month as she's on vacation, but Melanie and Colin are joining me today to discuss our red, yellow, and green flags as far as money talks with our partners. I share the one financial situation that would be a MASSIVE red flag to me, and I think should be for anyone in a relationship.
What are we drinking?
Mealie – Black lavender tea
Colin – Mint chocolate martini
Shannon - Gin and tonic
Podcast Notes
Personal Experiences
Melanie shares her experience of introducing money talk early in her long-term relationship. They started talking about money on the first date and got deep a few months in. As a personal finance writer, this comes naturally to her.
Colin reflects on his dating experiences and the evolving dynamics, particularly about societal standards and financial literacy. Things were a certain way when he was dating women, but as he started to date men, there were fewer 'rules' or clear expectations.
In her first marriage, Shannon thought she was good at talking about money, but she realizes now that she could have been much better. She was comfortable talking about her income but struggled to work as a team with her ex-husband.
During the early stages of a relationship, you can find easy ways to initiate conversations about money. For instance, you could casually ask your partner about their thoughts on money or share how listening to a podcast has taught you about financial literacy.
Encouraging discussions about future financial goals can also provide insights into each other's priorities. As the relationship progresses, delve deeper into topics like money management as a couple, considering options such as opening a shared bank account and credit card. Sharing financial responsibilities promotes transparency and collaboration.
Benefits of Financial Transparency
Discussing money early in a relationship sets a foundation for transparency and shared goals. Being financially transparent from the beginning can also gauge if someone is compatible with you long-term.
Financial openness is a crucial aspect of a healthy relationship. This means you have to be open and honest with yourself before you can do it with a partner.
Communication is crucial. Get comfortable talking about your income, debt, and financial goals. Concealing debts or spending habits can strain relationships and financial stability. It's better for someone to be open and honest, even if their financial situation is not ideal.
People should always maintain some financial independence by having their own money set aside from the joint account. Having a personal stash ensures security in case there is a need to exit a situation.
If you notice signs of financial issues, address them head-on and avoid denial. It's important to recognize that most people won't change unless they choose to do so.
Strate for safety, fairness, equity, and security in a relationship. People often feel guilty if they earn less than their partner, but it's important to understand that financial contributions don't have to be split 50/50.
Focus on creating an equitable plan that considers any income disparities. The key is to ensure fairness and mutual understanding in financial matters.
Red & Yellow Flags
If someone doesn't care, like has significant debt without a management plan or ignores bills and late notices. This can show a lack of responsibility or avoidant behavior.
If your partner's financial habits stress you out, you are less likely to be compatible.
Gambling habits can lead to serious financial consequences and should be taken seriously. It's a particularly problematic addiction due to its potential for significant financial losses and seemingly endless opportunities.
If someone is unwilling to talk about money at all, that is a yellow flag. In a long-term relationship, you will need to have hard conversations about money. It is an emotional topic for people, so be patient, invite them to be open, and see what happens.
Feeling uncomfortable about expressing concerns or needs regarding finances is a warning sign. While compromise is important in relationships, it's essential that your financial arrangement meets your needs and allows for open communication.
Takeaway: My biggest takeaway is money is the leading cause for divorce for most couples and from what I have seen, it’s because there was never a safe space or solid foundation around money conversations from the beginning of the relationship, therefore the relationship was truly built on shaky ground. Before you legally bind yourself to someone, please make sure that your money foundation is solid first.
Connect with The Happy Hour Crew
Melanie Lockert: melanielockert.com
Colin Becker: @iwillbecolinyou & colinbecker.com
Alicia Lazarto: COO of The Financial Gym
Shannon McLay: The Host and CEO at The Financial Gym
If you have any topics you would like me to cover on this podcast, or if you’d like to get in the financially naked hot seat, I encourage you to email me at shannon@fingyms.com or join the private Martinis and Your Money Facebook Page, and let me know what you want to hear.
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